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El Diablo how I love him so
If only I weren't afraid of telephones
My friends stopped asking me how I am
And started asking me if I've called him yet

I wanted to ask him to see Goldmember with me

And it's a shame all I've gotten is his negativity
And it's too bad he hasn't realized that he's just like me
And it's so typical that opposites attract
And that is why I'll never get El Diablo

I need to stop for "Eldabh"
Because I know he's such a total asshole
I'll be almost sure that he hates me
But my friends talk me into thinking that he likes me

So I bought a box of chocolates in case he turns me down

And it's a shame all I've gotten is his negativity
And it's too bad he hasn't realized that he's just like me
And it's so typical that opposites attract
And that is why I'll never get El Diablo
No I'll never get El Diablo

He's just more proof that I will die alone and unloved
He's just more lightening down my chimney to kill my dogs
I don't need him
I can't have him
But I want him so bad it hurts
Take an Advil
Eat my chocolate
Sit in my bedroom and pout

But if I could change -ologies or old wives tales
I'd make it so I'd be good for him
And he's be good enough for me

And it's a shame all I've gotten is his negativity
And it's too bad he hasn't realized that he's just like me
And it's so typical that opposites attract
And that is why I'll never get El Diablo
No I'll never get El Diablo
No I'll never get Eldabh