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Testi Deviates - My Life

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Classes

I've got something to say about the state of
union today

it's not a union, sometimes i wonder if it ever
was

United states, united people, is it all just b.s.
are we all created equal

correct me if I'm wrong, i hope i am

i stand in the lower class and i see no end

we're all just victims of income segregation

why must 3 classes separate the entire nation?

there's 3 classes, 1 on top and 1 below

the middle doesn't matter and neither does the
low

the top irritate and subjugate the bottom two

try to deny it but they do it to you

now the masses are controlled by the minority

they have just wealth, not rightful authority

we see the rich pockets getting fatter, faster

what will you do, is money your master?

land of opportunities

i hear the word opportunity so many times I'm not
sure what it means to me

all importance lost in a definition that's been
spread to the masses

by the age of integrity

i hear the talk about stability, i start to
realize this ain't the land of opportunity

i heard a story today about a man who had
millions but no stories to tell

climbed on top of his mountain of money & found
he was all alone

to live a life in the name of money was the
opportunity he should have blown

no shit i realize, I'm not the only one

this happens everyday, you know it happens to
everyone

i get real pissed off, & i throw my hands in the
air

but i got my friends with me, so i don't care

don't tell me what i want, don't tell me what i
need

don't tell me what i have or what to be taking,
ill tell you what i want

don't worry about me, I've got my opportunity

i remember

when i think of my youth, i don't remember you,
you weren't there

you didn't care, you still don't care, you never
cared if i did, but i don't

it was a dream i had no choice, i couldn't scream
i had no voice

to say or do anything, i was all alone and the
hate did grow

and i remember what its like to be different, a
constant fight, ya, i remember

you couldn't see no you couldn't feel, wake up
from the dream just to find its real, yeah i
remember

my mind was full of hate, my heart was empty i
couldn't take it

it was your choice to leave, i hated you, did you
hate me?

a fight for custody, over me, a piece of
property, just filled me w/ confusion

empty thoughts, anger & illusions.

Do you remember me, that whining kid, that crying
baby

the hate has evolved, problem solved, you don't
exist, its all your fault

yeah i remember what its like to be a kid, that's
not my life

you're nothing to me, you never were, that's
pretty lame

i guess that's just the way it goes... but i
remember

My life

what you think doesn't f@!#$ matter to me

i like my life, run by me how it's gonna be

i might decide to change my ways of i might
decide to ruin your day

ok, i figured it out, 2 people and 1 chair that's
what this life is all about

your life is just a single day, wake up & go to
work, your death your escape

my life, it's all i have, it's something we
share, & we die

wondering if and why, no i don't care

what you think you saw, you didn't see, & what
you wanna be, you're never gonna be

my life is not gonna be that way, when i die I'll
smile, cause i did it my way

take a run here's your chance come and get me,
I've been beaten

but you'll never beat me, had your chance now
it's gone, and it's up to me

i understand you, do you understand me?

understand one damn thing, it's my life, my way,
my life, it's all i have

its something we share, wondering if and why no i
don't care

wasting away wondering if you will die tonight, i
wont waste 1 day of my life

should...

i guess I'm wasting my time trying to tell you
how i feel, or

maybe

asking you how you see us, I'm confused but i
know what i mean

i can never say it, i could hardly write it,
you'll probably never

read this

i';m not going to sign it, no that's not me, it
just seems this

is the way it had to be, not anymore i want you
& me, this is the

way it had to be

should have would have could have had it, i blew
my chance

but I'm glad i had one, far away out of range you
cant see

no words can explain & no song seems complete

the more i speak i make a fool out of me, what
can be said I'm incomplete

this is the way it had to be, not anymore i want
you & me,

this is the way it had to be

this town

I've tried so many times to leave this place,
this town,

my life these streets are a map of my past,
tomorrow

they'll tell me about last night

there's nog odd news if there's any news at all,
this place

is boring,

this place sucks, this place is home, I've walked
these streets

18 years,

my whole life, i know their names like mine, and
i hate tonight

where should we go from here, where will be next
year, this city

is changing

but it's all the same, we've been here, done
that, seen this, &

trashed that

i can't take another day, i hate tonight i say
this 7 nights a

week

i hate tonight, i hate this f!@#$ town,
everywhere i go &

everything i see

i try to shrug it away, i try to sleep it away, i
try to drink

it away

i want to keep it away, there's nothing left to
see, it's a part

of me

no, it's not a part of me. I've tried so many
times to leave this

place this town my life, the same problems
always come my way,

it's getting harder to see

guess I'll find my way home, i close my mind &
the problems solved

if tomorrow comes, ill push on through

i hate (teen angst)

I'm not racist i hate everyone and yes, i hate
you. I hate cops,

authority figures, parents, teachers too. i hate
cabbage & brussel

sprouts. i hate things i can live without & i
can live without you.

i can live without you, so just leave me alone,
take your ball &

go home, I'll do it on my own

the years go by and the names, they change yet
teenage rebellion

remains the same, just pissed on kids living
pissed off lives,

pissed on lives

playing to lose

you can't find it, but i know you will, it hurts
me & kills me

to feel your hell

you find comfort that you'd like to share you
find you're not

alone and now you like it here, i never thought
I'd see today,

i never thought I'd see you this way, tell me
everything's gonna be ok, i see that look in your
eyes and i know you're lying, i feel the flames

& they warm me , i feel the burn & it reminds me
that my well has

run dry & I'm empty inside. too much is not
enough, you've learned

too late, when you were sure to lose, you raced
to the game

and now in a scene where you get happy rejected,
i find a friend

who is starved for acceptance. i never thought
I'd see today, i never

thought I'd see you this way, tell me
everything's gonna be ok,

i see that look in your eyes and i know I'm
lying. running from your past, you're blind at
the present and all your plan have sold you out

you're looking for solutions, never looking
forward, falling

faster than before, i can't believe a word that's
said

and now i know you know you're lying to yourself

your lies are hanging you, you're hanging you,
stop blaming someone else

we grew up

in our youth we must have been blind, no
conditions, none,

friends easy to find, but we grew up set in our
ways, now what's

happened it's worse every day

I've opened up & still you can't see, don't

hear my words you don't understand me

I'm trying hard & i don't want it to end

hey what happened? we used to be friends. now it
seems

that we're so used to it become so normal cant do
without

it, not by choice, you say you do it by habit

too much fighting you know i don't want it. we
grew up,

i guess that just depends

we grew up, does that mean we're not friends

one day

26 and Paul wants a great life, a good paying
job,

a nice house, a kid, a pretty wife. he can't hold
a job,

he never has & knows he never will, he plays the
lottery

& blames his problems on the world. I've been
seeing this

shit for some time, we all got our problems, i
guess we've

all got our needs, I've been seeing this shit
for some time,

take good care of yourself. first of the month
and the rent

is due again, checking his savings he's got
pocket lint to spend.

down on his luck, with no tears to spare,
desperation motivates

a mind not clear. one day he said things are
gonna change,

one day when I've got things squared away. one
day soon turns

into the next, one day were the words he said
with his last breath.

1992 Paul walks into the liquor store, with an
unloaded pistol,

i don't need to say more. his life ended in that
tragic day,

noone cared for him, not one to this day

maybe tomorrow

a missing child, a mother too weak to stand she
cries,

her world turned upside down she sobs where is my
baby

a victim of apathy. no one regrets, no one
regrets what

they forgot. nobody feels pain that's not
theirs, nobody

feels anymore. while we count our losses we can
see that

noone here claims a victory. cries for help left
unanswered

are written down in the pages of history. no one
regrets,

no one regrets what they forgot. nobody feels
pain that's

not theirs, nobody feels anymore. why can't we
see this is

reality? why can't we see, this happens every
day? why can't

we see that we're part of it? why can't we see
it's what we are,

it's what we've done? the problem here is clear,
the helpless

cries ring in our ears. an epidemic ever present
claims victims

with no names. i ask you how we can be content
with what we see?

the tragedies that we've all seen, i know we'll
see again.

why can't we see this is reality? why can't we
see, this happens

every day? it never goes away. why can't we see
that we're part of

it? look around ya know we're part of it? when
will we see it's what

we are, it's what we've done?

what I've heard

when your friends hurt you, they know it isn't
good,

you don't respect them, i know that i never
could. when

it comes to respect you must give to receive,
with friends

like these, who need enemies. from what I've
heard one who

hurts is not a friend. choose them wisely or
they'll hurt

you in the end. when it comes to looking for
friends, most

pick and choose. the ones that don't are the
ones that always

seem to lose. it's happened to me. you know I've
seen it before

but the good friends the true friends are the
ones that endure

. like i said, respect is not a given, neither is
trust in the

world that we're living. the trust is not there
with friends lik

e these, i have no respect for people like these.
who will be

hurt? who will hurt who knows? it won't be me no
way, but i know.

we've all allowed and we all will again be hurt
by people, the

people we call friends

there for me

she was there for me and i don't know why. she
was there for me

did i treat her good? though i didnt speak she
always understood,

i took her for granted and i don't know why.
throng all the tough

times she loved me. preoccupied i was too blind
to see. she gave

her all, she gave her life she had no more, she
did it all for me.

she knew me but did she know? i loved her but
did it show? there

was a letter and i knew why. she said she loved
me then she said goodbye.

midline

i need help i cant leave i cant breathe. i see
my way out but

I'm in too deep to care. emotionless, i feel
myself about to break. self-destruction, self
corruption, this life i know, this life i hate

. with each passing day my outlets slip away. i
believe the lies and

i dig myself in deeper. i play a daily game of
tug a war between

what's in my heart and what's on my mind, not
weighing circumstances,

passing blindly by my chances knowing some day i
might die. in the

silence of my nightmare noone else can hear me
scream, noone else knows

what i need, noone else believes, i could die
and not care. i need

something to set me free. reflections from my
past that seem so unreal

to me, I'm out of touch i can no longer feel me,
my heart is sick and

my mind is reeling. don't know myself, don't know
why i still don't care

. I'm the only one that's paying, and I'm the
only one that's playing.

the more i struggle the more i lose. i dig myself
in deeper and still

don't care then the moment comes when you reach
for my heart, i know

it's to hard to find


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